We were so fortunate to have 4 days away from work to spend time together and try to figure out what in the world happened. We enjoyed 3 great thanksgiving day meals with various friends around the island, and then had some major retail therapy on Black Friday.
We continue to be amazed by the support and encouragement we have gotten from the online adoption community. It is difficult for our friends, and even our families to grasp the depth of what we are going through. It is hard to understand how much that little tiny pictures means until you've held it in your hand. Our homes and offices and wallets are plastered with the few pictures that we own. Our dreams for the last 6 months have been built on these photos. It is a hard emotion to convey to someone who hasn't been there. I am beyond grateful to the families who have thought of us during this really difficult time. The comments on our blog, and the emails i have gotten have been the greastest source of support. so THANK YOU!!!
The one thing we have found comfort in is that this sweet baby we have already grown to love will have a home and a family. This is, of course, our ultimate wish for these little ones. We truly believed we were her family, but we are happy that she will have someone to love her. I know a time will come when we finally get our child home, and we will not be able to imagine life without the one God sends us. Many of you have emailed me your stories of lost referrals, and it is encouraging to know that there will eventually be a happy ending to this sadness.
We don't have any more information surrounding the circumstances of our lost referral. Our agency director is at the Summit in DC, and will return next week. We plan to meet with her next week to try to get some questions answered. We will certainly keep you all posted about that.
I did finally break down and buy a plane ticket to Ohio for the holidays. I am so excited to finally see my family and have a relaxing week at home (if i can relax in the freezing cold...I'm spoiled in this hawaii weather!!)
lots of love to everyone out there who has been thinking of us! We are blessed to have this support!
Juneau
Monday, November 26, 2007
Sad News
We are very sad to have to write this entry.
Last Tuesday we were contacted by our agency to inform us of a terrible problem with our adoption. Apparently, the baby girl that we saw for the first time on May 29th was promised to another family with a different agency, as well as to us. From what we know at this time the Orphanage Director (who is reponsible for matching the children in the orphanage to the families) made an error and matched her with 2 families. The mistake was only caught last week, as the paperwork was nearing completion. We are not sure how this happened, or how it went undectected for so long. For whatever reasons, our referral has been removed and the child assigned to the other family. We are grateful that this sweet baby girl will have a family to love her and care for her. We were just so sure we were the family.
The holiday weekend allowed us 4 days to spend away from work, and talk about what had happened, and where to go from here. We are still very confused and heartbroken about the whole situation. The director of our agency is at a nationwide adoption conference this week, but we will be meeting with her next week to talk about what happened, and what options we have.
We continue to feel that adopting a child is the right step for our family, and we are anxious to find out how we can continue to pursue this.
We do have faith that God has a plan for our family, and that He knows the perfect child for us. Thank you to all of our family and friends who have followed with us in our journey over the last 6 months and we hope this journey, though longer and harder than we had ever anticipated, will eventually bring us together with the child He wants for us. We appreciate your thoughts and prayers in the past as well as in the coming months!
Last Tuesday we were contacted by our agency to inform us of a terrible problem with our adoption. Apparently, the baby girl that we saw for the first time on May 29th was promised to another family with a different agency, as well as to us. From what we know at this time the Orphanage Director (who is reponsible for matching the children in the orphanage to the families) made an error and matched her with 2 families. The mistake was only caught last week, as the paperwork was nearing completion. We are not sure how this happened, or how it went undectected for so long. For whatever reasons, our referral has been removed and the child assigned to the other family. We are grateful that this sweet baby girl will have a family to love her and care for her. We were just so sure we were the family.
The holiday weekend allowed us 4 days to spend away from work, and talk about what had happened, and where to go from here. We are still very confused and heartbroken about the whole situation. The director of our agency is at a nationwide adoption conference this week, but we will be meeting with her next week to talk about what happened, and what options we have.
We continue to feel that adopting a child is the right step for our family, and we are anxious to find out how we can continue to pursue this.
We do have faith that God has a plan for our family, and that He knows the perfect child for us. Thank you to all of our family and friends who have followed with us in our journey over the last 6 months and we hope this journey, though longer and harder than we had ever anticipated, will eventually bring us together with the child He wants for us. We appreciate your thoughts and prayers in the past as well as in the coming months!
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
sad day
we lost our referral today.
it seems she was promised to 2 families, and i guess we drew the short straw.
we are, of course, devastated.
please be respectful and don't leave any remarks about agencies and ethics.
it seems she was promised to 2 families, and i guess we drew the short straw.
we are, of course, devastated.
please be respectful and don't leave any remarks about agencies and ethics.
Sunday, November 18, 2007
Go Buckeyes!!
as promised, here are our halloween pics, with our very own local Princess Leia's. (the little Leia is our adorable neighbor, also seen with Cris and her brother, Darth Vader. The grown-up Leia is my little sis).
A happy day was had in the Stickley household yesterday, as Ohio State was victorious over Michigan. We celebratd in the usual fashion with an 8 foot inflatable Brutus gracing our front lawn.
No news on the adoption front. I will be calling or emailing the agency before Thanksgiving if i haven't heard anything by then.
No news on the adoption front. I will be calling or emailing the agency before Thanksgiving if i haven't heard anything by then.
I also included a photo of a recent package we received from my mom. She has devised some pretty creative ways to pack as much as possible into a "flat rate" mailer. It's pretty impressive how much she can fit in one of those little boxes. I got a kick out of this one when i received it. It was practically bursting at every seam.
we also received an awesome package from the Matus Gang, highlights included Juneau's very own personlized license plate, a Buckeye Pez dispenser, and a box of the much sought after CoCo Wheats, which cannot be found anywhere on this little island!
Go Buckeyes!!
Here are some very late Halloween pics, with our very own local Princess Leia's. The little Leia is our adorable neighbor (with cris and big brother, Darth Vader). The grown-up Leia is my little sis, Betsy, who is staying with us to go to school at UH.
A happy day was had in the Stickley household yesterday, as Ohio State was victorious over Michigan. We celebratd in the usual fashion with an 8 foot inflatable Brutus gracing our front lawn.
No news on the adoption front. I will be calling or emailing the agency before Thanksgiving if i haven't heard anything by then.
I also included a photo of a recent package we received from my mom. She has devised some pretty creative ways to pack as much as possible into a "flat rate" mailer. It's pretty impressive how much she can fit in one of those little boxes.I got a kick out of this one when i received it. It was practically bursting at every seam.
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
on a lighter note
Still no news from our agency. We were hoping to hear something by last Friday, but still no word.
On a lighter note, I though I would post some Halloween pictures. We had an abundance of Star Wars characters running around our neighborhood. In fact we had a Princess Leia under our very own roof, and a younger version right across the driveway. My little sister, Betsy, made a great Leia, and her customers at Starbucks seemed to enjoy her costume. Our little neighbor also made an adorable Leia.
(having some technical difficulties with this site getting the photos posted...will add them later)
On a lighter note, I though I would post some Halloween pictures. We had an abundance of Star Wars characters running around our neighborhood. In fact we had a Princess Leia under our very own roof, and a younger version right across the driveway. My little sister, Betsy, made a great Leia, and her customers at Starbucks seemed to enjoy her costume. Our little neighbor also made an adorable Leia.
(having some technical difficulties with this site getting the photos posted...will add them later)
Thursday, November 8, 2007
in for the long haul
edited: see bottom of posting
Well, we had the meeting. It was kind of weird, actually. We arrived at the agency, and our Vietnam coordinator came out to meet us. Then she told us that she wouldn't be in the meeting at all, but that the CEO lady would be conducting the meeting. I still am not quite sure why, as she was sitting in her office the whole time. Anyway, The CEO is nice. I sort of knew her already (although we had never met), because she is engaged to one of the attending physicians at the hospital. She sort of new me, because she saw me participate in the New Kids on the Block Dance routine a few months back...which reminds me i never posted video! I'll try to remember.
Anyway, I think i did pretty good with my mean problem. Cris only kicked me under the table once.
So, new info. Well, there basically isn't any. The most frustrating part of the meeting is that we still can't send off our I600, because apparently the documents for Juneau aren't ready. I was floored. How can they not be ready? All of the documents are a part of her dossier. The orphanage has 30 days to compile the dossier (the very very first step in the whole timeline between referral and travel!). These 3o days should have been up in June or July. How could we possibly not have the documents! That means she doesn't have a dossier, and if she doesn't have a dossier, that means we are basically starting all the way from the beginning. 6 months in, with no dossier? Well, to clarify, i guess there are a couple of documents that don't have to be submitted to the DOJ with her initial dossier that are required for the I600, so POSSIBLY she does have a dossier that is being processed, but we still need these other documents. So, i guess the CEO lady sent the in-country facilitator to Thanh Hoa to figure out what in the world is going on.
ALERT!!! this is a personal concern I have. There is no basis for it. I'm not trying to start rumors, just expressing my own fear. The memorandum of understanding is up as of March 2008. This means the US govt will be re-evaluating the situation, and decide wether they want to renew the memorandum and continue with adoptions, or discontinue. We are terrified that the MOU will not be renewed, and that this will be the opportunity the US Govt is waiting for to shut the doors to Vietnam. We have got to get our baby home before March 2008!! I never thought travelling this late would even be a possibility, but as we are now 6 months in with no travel, and at least another 60 days (that is if we ever get the documents for the I600!) after that, we are already in February or so. That is only 1 month from march.
sorry for all the boring info. of course, it's not boring to us, we live off of every little tiny detail of what is happening with our paperwork.
edit: in case you don't read comments, i wanted to post here so i don't spread any false info. I posted above that the Memorandum of Understanding (the bilateral agreement) was up for review in March. If you check out my comments i think e. and Jenna have a little more up to date info. It looks like the agreement will be reviewed in March, but no decisions finalized until summer. Good news!
Well, we had the meeting. It was kind of weird, actually. We arrived at the agency, and our Vietnam coordinator came out to meet us. Then she told us that she wouldn't be in the meeting at all, but that the CEO lady would be conducting the meeting. I still am not quite sure why, as she was sitting in her office the whole time. Anyway, The CEO is nice. I sort of knew her already (although we had never met), because she is engaged to one of the attending physicians at the hospital. She sort of new me, because she saw me participate in the New Kids on the Block Dance routine a few months back...which reminds me i never posted video! I'll try to remember.
Anyway, I think i did pretty good with my mean problem. Cris only kicked me under the table once.
So, new info. Well, there basically isn't any. The most frustrating part of the meeting is that we still can't send off our I600, because apparently the documents for Juneau aren't ready. I was floored. How can they not be ready? All of the documents are a part of her dossier. The orphanage has 30 days to compile the dossier (the very very first step in the whole timeline between referral and travel!). These 3o days should have been up in June or July. How could we possibly not have the documents! That means she doesn't have a dossier, and if she doesn't have a dossier, that means we are basically starting all the way from the beginning. 6 months in, with no dossier? Well, to clarify, i guess there are a couple of documents that don't have to be submitted to the DOJ with her initial dossier that are required for the I600, so POSSIBLY she does have a dossier that is being processed, but we still need these other documents. So, i guess the CEO lady sent the in-country facilitator to Thanh Hoa to figure out what in the world is going on.
ALERT!!! this is a personal concern I have. There is no basis for it. I'm not trying to start rumors, just expressing my own fear. The memorandum of understanding is up as of March 2008. This means the US govt will be re-evaluating the situation, and decide wether they want to renew the memorandum and continue with adoptions, or discontinue. We are terrified that the MOU will not be renewed, and that this will be the opportunity the US Govt is waiting for to shut the doors to Vietnam. We have got to get our baby home before March 2008!! I never thought travelling this late would even be a possibility, but as we are now 6 months in with no travel, and at least another 60 days (that is if we ever get the documents for the I600!) after that, we are already in February or so. That is only 1 month from march.
sorry for all the boring info. of course, it's not boring to us, we live off of every little tiny detail of what is happening with our paperwork.
edit: in case you don't read comments, i wanted to post here so i don't spread any false info. I posted above that the Memorandum of Understanding (the bilateral agreement) was up for review in March. If you check out my comments i think e. and Jenna have a little more up to date info. It looks like the agreement will be reviewed in March, but no decisions finalized until summer. Good news!
Wednesday, November 7, 2007
Agency Update
We met with our agency today - a much anticipated meeting since hearing about the new changes. We spoke with the CEO of the agency for about an hour. She had previously not been involved directly with our case, but due to the delays we have been experiencing, she has now stepped in.
Some of the time was spent discussing the overall status of Vietnam adoptions. Unfortunately, not all adoptions that take place in Vietnam are completely ethical. This is not only the case in Vietnam, but in other very poor countries, such as Guatemala. Birthmothers who live in poverty have been approached by "child finders", basically soliciting them to give up their child for a set amount of money. This situation is, of course, devastating to hear about. It really confuses things in international adoption, because the orphanages are filled with true orphans, who have no parents, and no home. However, when the birthmothers are paid to relinquish their children, the U.S. and Vietnamese governments have the responsibility of figuring out which children are truly orphans, and which children have arrived at the orphanage illegally. Much of the responsibility also falls on the adoption agencies. The agencies must be 100% committed to working only in legitimate orphanges, and not participating in bribing the orphanage officials and government agents in order to falsify the paperwork, or move the paperwork along more quickly.
Not all cases of problems with adoptions are based on unethical situations, however.
To read a story about a family who had to return home without their daughter click here Bring Home Eden.
Anyway, more about the agency meeting.
We didn't get a whole lot of new information quite yet. What we did find out is that we will definately not be able to travel this month, under the old I600 rules. We will need to submit the paperwork under the new rules. Unfortunately, the paperwork is not quite ready to be submitted. The in-country facilitator has flown from Saigon to Thanh Hoa (where Juneau's orphanage is) in an effort to gather all of the required documents for the processing of the I600 (there are about 10 documents required). Hopefully this will be completed in the next week or so. We will then begin the 60 day wait to recieve approval. There is a chance the approval could take much less time, but we are planning on the full 60 days. Realistically, we believe the I600 can be completed, translated, and arrive in Saigon by Dec 1. In that case, we will be travelling sometime in February.
The new concern that we have is that the US Government will be concerned enough about the current state of adoptions in Vietnam that they will again close the doors to Americans. The current agreement is valid until March 2008, at which time there will be a re-evaluation of the current system, and possibly no renewal of the agreement. We never imagined that we would not have Juneau home by Christmas, and the delays have been terrible. Now we are hoping and praying to have her home before March.
We should be getting updated information on the status of our I600 and the required paperwork within the next few days, since the in-country coordinator has flown to Juneau's orphanage specifically for that purpose. Hopefully this means new pictures too!
Some of the time was spent discussing the overall status of Vietnam adoptions. Unfortunately, not all adoptions that take place in Vietnam are completely ethical. This is not only the case in Vietnam, but in other very poor countries, such as Guatemala. Birthmothers who live in poverty have been approached by "child finders", basically soliciting them to give up their child for a set amount of money. This situation is, of course, devastating to hear about. It really confuses things in international adoption, because the orphanages are filled with true orphans, who have no parents, and no home. However, when the birthmothers are paid to relinquish their children, the U.S. and Vietnamese governments have the responsibility of figuring out which children are truly orphans, and which children have arrived at the orphanage illegally. Much of the responsibility also falls on the adoption agencies. The agencies must be 100% committed to working only in legitimate orphanges, and not participating in bribing the orphanage officials and government agents in order to falsify the paperwork, or move the paperwork along more quickly.
Not all cases of problems with adoptions are based on unethical situations, however.
To read a story about a family who had to return home without their daughter click here Bring Home Eden.
Anyway, more about the agency meeting.
We didn't get a whole lot of new information quite yet. What we did find out is that we will definately not be able to travel this month, under the old I600 rules. We will need to submit the paperwork under the new rules. Unfortunately, the paperwork is not quite ready to be submitted. The in-country facilitator has flown from Saigon to Thanh Hoa (where Juneau's orphanage is) in an effort to gather all of the required documents for the processing of the I600 (there are about 10 documents required). Hopefully this will be completed in the next week or so. We will then begin the 60 day wait to recieve approval. There is a chance the approval could take much less time, but we are planning on the full 60 days. Realistically, we believe the I600 can be completed, translated, and arrive in Saigon by Dec 1. In that case, we will be travelling sometime in February.
The new concern that we have is that the US Government will be concerned enough about the current state of adoptions in Vietnam that they will again close the doors to Americans. The current agreement is valid until March 2008, at which time there will be a re-evaluation of the current system, and possibly no renewal of the agreement. We never imagined that we would not have Juneau home by Christmas, and the delays have been terrible. Now we are hoping and praying to have her home before March.
We should be getting updated information on the status of our I600 and the required paperwork within the next few days, since the in-country coordinator has flown to Juneau's orphanage specifically for that purpose. Hopefully this means new pictures too!
Monday, November 5, 2007
Many Thanks!
We had a long talk with Cris' parents last night, and got filled in a little on the hometown news. Everything from a fire in the cornfield to the Milton football team. But the most amazing thing was hearing all about the support we have been getting from our friends and family back home. We are so grateful for the prayers, good wishes, and appeals to the government regarding our situation. We are still hoping for a miracle of having our little girl home for Christmas. Thank you all for taking the time to listen to our story, and help out in any little way! We feel blessed to have a family and community who care so much about us!
We haven't heard anything new from the agency or the government. We have a meeting with the adoption agency on Wednesday morning to discuss the status of our case, and hopefully get a better idea about exactly what is going on. Part of our frustration lies in the lack of communication with our agency. We basically have no idea who's desk in Vietnam our paperwork is sitting on, and what has caused this big delay. We hope to get more information about the specifics on Wednesday. We will actually be meeting with the Vietnam coordinator, as well as the CEO of the agency, who is aware of our concerns about the delay in our travel.
I am missing November in Ohio just a little bit. I wouldn't mind a nice hike to see the fall colors. But I'm sure i won't be missing February in Ohio. I don't think icy/slushy roads can really rival a sandy beach. Another thing we've been missing for the last couple of years is fresh produce! I can't convince Cris to pay $1.00 an ear for wilty corn on the cob.
Anyway, we will post more after our meeting on Wednesday.
Thanks again for the prayers and support! We love you guys!
We haven't heard anything new from the agency or the government. We have a meeting with the adoption agency on Wednesday morning to discuss the status of our case, and hopefully get a better idea about exactly what is going on. Part of our frustration lies in the lack of communication with our agency. We basically have no idea who's desk in Vietnam our paperwork is sitting on, and what has caused this big delay. We hope to get more information about the specifics on Wednesday. We will actually be meeting with the Vietnam coordinator, as well as the CEO of the agency, who is aware of our concerns about the delay in our travel.
I am missing November in Ohio just a little bit. I wouldn't mind a nice hike to see the fall colors. But I'm sure i won't be missing February in Ohio. I don't think icy/slushy roads can really rival a sandy beach. Another thing we've been missing for the last couple of years is fresh produce! I can't convince Cris to pay $1.00 an ear for wilty corn on the cob.
Anyway, we will post more after our meeting on Wednesday.
Thanks again for the prayers and support! We love you guys!
Friday, November 2, 2007
i have a confession.
but before the confession, i want to say "thank you" to all of you for your very sincere good wishes, thoughts and prayers. I appreciate so much the geniune comments from fellow adoptive families out there. It really means a lot to know that we aren't in it alone, and that we have good folks pulling for us. so, thanks!
now for the confession. I am not always nice. In fact, i have a gift (i think most women are born with this gift to a certain extent). A gift to make someone feel like absolute crap, the scum of the earth. Even make people cry with my meanness. this first time i remember using this gift for real was in about the 10th grade. I actually made one of my friend's fathers come to nearly tears because i was so mean (it was over something stupid...he told my friend she could participate in this church drama, and then backed out at the very last minute...and, in case you were wondering, she did attend in the end). I know, where were my parents, allowing me to talk to an adult like this...Trust me, they had no idea at the time, and when they did find out, it wasn't pretty. But anyway, i cultivated this terrible gift. I am now an expert at it. Not just in what I say, and i never ever swear, or even raise my voice. It's more in the manner of delivery. The condescending terriblesness just comes out. I've gotten myself into quite a bit of trouble with this, because i'm not so good at controlling it. It just starts to happen, and i can't stop myself. It is kind of at it's peak right now. I think the frustration with the adoption delays, and the I600, and the impending 6 weeks of travel to the mainland, and my great unhappiness at work right now, are all making it worse and worse. The dilemma for now is my meeting with the adoption agency. I don't want them to hate me (although i think they probably do), and i'm terrified the meanness is going to come out. My husband has already talked to me about trying to control it in the meeting, but i'm so concerned. I wish i could just speak to them rationally, but i don't know if i can. I feel such horrible anger towards them. I know everything is not their fault, but i am still just so angry at the situation, and I do sincerely believe that a lot of it is their fault.
I think the root of the problem might be anger. I'm not really sure. I don't get angry in the typical way. I don't yell, or throw things. I just become mean. Even to people I care about. I actually did enroll in an anger mgmt classs, but then never ended up going. So, i wondered if anybody out there has this problem. Any good suggestions for books or dealing mechanisms. I want to be nice to everyone, and i do believe deep down I am a nice person. And i know you get much farther in life by making friends, not enemies. So I'm not quite sure what to do...
now for the confession. I am not always nice. In fact, i have a gift (i think most women are born with this gift to a certain extent). A gift to make someone feel like absolute crap, the scum of the earth. Even make people cry with my meanness. this first time i remember using this gift for real was in about the 10th grade. I actually made one of my friend's fathers come to nearly tears because i was so mean (it was over something stupid...he told my friend she could participate in this church drama, and then backed out at the very last minute...and, in case you were wondering, she did attend in the end). I know, where were my parents, allowing me to talk to an adult like this...Trust me, they had no idea at the time, and when they did find out, it wasn't pretty. But anyway, i cultivated this terrible gift. I am now an expert at it. Not just in what I say, and i never ever swear, or even raise my voice. It's more in the manner of delivery. The condescending terriblesness just comes out. I've gotten myself into quite a bit of trouble with this, because i'm not so good at controlling it. It just starts to happen, and i can't stop myself. It is kind of at it's peak right now. I think the frustration with the adoption delays, and the I600, and the impending 6 weeks of travel to the mainland, and my great unhappiness at work right now, are all making it worse and worse. The dilemma for now is my meeting with the adoption agency. I don't want them to hate me (although i think they probably do), and i'm terrified the meanness is going to come out. My husband has already talked to me about trying to control it in the meeting, but i'm so concerned. I wish i could just speak to them rationally, but i don't know if i can. I feel such horrible anger towards them. I know everything is not their fault, but i am still just so angry at the situation, and I do sincerely believe that a lot of it is their fault.
I think the root of the problem might be anger. I'm not really sure. I don't get angry in the typical way. I don't yell, or throw things. I just become mean. Even to people I care about. I actually did enroll in an anger mgmt classs, but then never ended up going. So, i wondered if anybody out there has this problem. Any good suggestions for books or dealing mechanisms. I want to be nice to everyone, and i do believe deep down I am a nice person. And i know you get much farther in life by making friends, not enemies. So I'm not quite sure what to do...
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