Practice

This weekend after we got back from our little adventure our neighbor asked if we could have a look at her 3 y.o. who had taken a hard fall down a flight of steps. he looked ok, but pretty shook up, so she ended up taking him to the ER. Cris and I volunteered to watch baby Kieran, who is 6 months. She is such a little angel! We had a great time playing with her for a couple of hours. She wasn't fussy at all, but i fed her a little of her bottle just for fun (and it was fun indeed!)

This is Kieran testing out Juneau's crib. she liked it pretty well.

passing the time

things here in hawaii are pretty good. we are enjoying the beautiful weather, especially after talking to the Ohio gang, who are still talking about blizzards and such. this weekend we went mountain biking at Kaena point, all the way up on the northwest point of the island. it is a very beautiful beach

with a nature preserve that has lots of aquatic life, including these giant monk seals. They like to sun themselves on the rocky beach, and don't really seem to mind the humans milling around
We are trying to do lots of fun adventerous stuff before we get an addition to the familiy, because our freedom to run out and go mountain biking or kayaking will soon be a little more limited.
We had some practice yesterday when our 3 y.o. neighbor fell down the stairs and banged his head pretty good. they took him to the ER, so we watched his sister, 6 month old baby Kieran,while they where at the ER. She is a really sweet, happy baby, and we had fun playing with her for a couple of hours while Alaijah got checked out (he was fine). Summit found the entire situation a little crazy, and ran around like a wild animal until she figured out the situation.

Monday, Monday....

Back to work after a great weekend off.
This weekend I decided to try a little mountain biking with my bike-loving husband. I thought I liked mountain biking. I'm not really sure why i thought that, i guess because i like outdoorsy things, and i like hiking etc. So we decided to go on this little mountain bike adventure. There is a really pretty area on the northwest tip of Oahu that you can mountain bike, Kaena Point. It is actually where they film a lot of "Lost".

This is a pretty picture of the beach at Kaena point, not my picture. I wish i could take pictures this nice.
There are also a lot of Monk Seals that sun themselves on the rocks.
anyway, we decided to mountain bike out there. I now know i hate mountain biking. so at least i don't have to try it anymore because i know that. I think i like regular bike riding, but i guess i will have to try that out to be sure. I was hoping to do one of those little "sprint triathlons" (a short triathlon with like a 3 mile run, 10 mile bike, 1/2 mile swim) this year, but maybe i won't if i dislike regular biking as much as mountain biking. everything is just reallly sore from the constant pounding on the rocky path. ouch.
adoption news remains scarce.
email from case worker today said "we are hoping for the referral of a girl in march" hmmm...not very promising. i want some concrete answers here people. like "we will definately have the referral of a girl in march" wouldn't that be nice?
thanks for everyone's input into my little orphanage donation problem.
i think what i will do (based on some excellent advice from fellow bloggers) is
a. talk to my agency about this little problem. the only thing with that is i don't want them to be mad at me. yes, friends, i do realize that is ridiculous, but maybe you know how i feel. i hate emailing them all the time to find out things b/c i'm afraid they'll be mad. they are like the nicest people ever, and always very helpful, so i'm sure they would be happy to answer my questions but my irrational side is afraid they'll be mad at me for questioning them. but i'm gonna do it anyway
b. email the consulate. i think this is a really good idea too, because then i can find out what they actually think about the whole cash donation thing.

researching the "cash donation"

as i kind of alluded to in my last post this "cash donation to the orphanage" thing has been eating me up. our agency does require a cash donation to the orphanage. i am terrified that i am furthering corruption and bad things happening in the adoption world. anyway, i discovered all of this AFTER my dossier is already at the Vietnamese embassy, so i was feeling helpless, like if there is something bad going on, it was too late to change it. So i did some research. I am part of a liststerve on a yahoo group, so i posted my research findings on that groups site, i thought i might post them here also, as my blogging buddies tend to be a gentler-kinder bunch, and I would love to hear your opinions on this. i know some of them may be varying, but i am interested in what you have to say.
in addition- to the families who have already been to vietnam, were you asked specifically if you gave a cash donation to the orphanage at the embassy interview?
also, laurie - you commented that you had done a lot of thinking about this stuff, and i would love to hear your thoughts. can you email me directly? crisandemilie@yahoo.com or my military email address, which you emailed me at earlier, so i think you already have that one.
thanks for your support!

Hello,
I am a new member. This is really my first post. I have been following along the thread about cash donations to agencies, and as I read and discovered more about this issue, the more uncomfortable I became. My husband and I selected our adoption agency because it is the only one in Hawaii. We didn't really research other agencies. I guess we were a little naive to the possibility of any illegal proceedings happening with international adoption.
When we got our fee schedule it was clearly stated that there was a $7000 fee to be paid in cash to the orphanage. When we saw this, we thought 'great, the money will be going directly to our baby's orphanage to help support her and the other children" we were happy there was no middle man. Now I am starting to understand the reasons people are hesitant about this type of procedure. Since the start of reading this chain, I have been doing a ton of research. i wanted to find the actual, official guidline from the bilateral agreement. It is easy to be swayed by rumors that it is "illegal" to bring cash into the country, and I wanted to find out for absolutely sure that we were not participating in something illegal.
Based on the bilateral agreement, it does not appear this procedure is illegal. I am attaching the link so that anyone who is interested can view the document.
http://travel.state.gov/pdf/vn_final_agreement.pdf
Pay particular attention to Article 16 1.c
"There were not any improper requests for compensation for the consent to adoption"
This does not state that it is illegal to pay a cash donation to the orphange.

The agreement gets more specific in Article 17.4
"The parties support the principle that appropriate adoption service providers make their fee schedules publicly available in advance of an adoption".

I would interpret this last portion to protect adoptive parents from having additional fees "sprung on them" once they are in country that may be used for truly unethical purposes however, it does not appear to prohibit cash payments directly to an orphanage that are stated in advance.

Our adoption cost will be about $20,000 (including travel). Our agency does not have an "international fee" like i have seen many agencies have in which this fee is paid directly to the agency. I have seen this fee be $10-13,000. I don't know what this "international fee" that many agencies require is, but instead of having this fee, our agency is having us deliver a cash contribution. what happens to that cash (or to the 10-13000 others are paying their agencies) I have no idea. I wish i knew, and i can't say that it will be used appropriately. But i also don't know what the "international fee" is used for. it could be used for salaries of the adoption agency workers or who knows what it is used for. I guess my point is whether you are paying $10,000 to your agency, or $7,000 to the orphanage, there is no way to know what really happens to that money. BUT it does not appear that any of the language says either of these things are illegal based on the bilateral contract. As for the ethical aspect, i guess everyone will have to decide on their own if they would rather their agency have the money, or the orphanage have the money.

Agency Update

Yesterday while i was at work our case worker from the agency called. She wanted to update us on where our application was, and when we could expect to see a picture of our baby. She said that the initial information that they recieved about the little girl was incorrect. The agency had actually recieved referrals for 2 baby boys, and she wanted to be sure we didn't change our mind. She did have families lined up for these little guys, but since we were next in line she wanted to be sure before giving the referrals to the next families. Cris and I talked about it, and decided to keep waiting for a baby girl. She told us she expects to have referrals for baby girls next month, and we are next in line, so we are hoping for a March referral, still with hopes of travelling in May or June to bring her home.

survivor...

yes, it's me. I survived the 8 mile run from downtown Honolulu to the Aloha Stadium. it wasn't pretty, but i lived to tell the story, so i guess that's better than the alternative. It took me about 2 hours (my athletic hubby did it in just over an hour) but i made it. I ran the whole thing, although somehow people who walked the whole thing still beat me. that probably tells you a little something about my pace. Today i am very very sore
To make matters worse, today is also my first day back to work after vacation. it's so hard. i am also 'on call' (which means i have to stay in the hospital all night), making my first shift back a 24 hour shift. which really is no fun at all. needless to say i'm in a pretty grumpy mood. but i guess i can't complain. These days there are limits to the torture residents have to take, we are limited to no more than 36 hours in the hospital at 1 time, and no more than 80 hours in a week. The 'old-timers' tell stories of 48 hour shifts and 120 hour work weeks. next year will be much better though, as i will be past the 1/2 way point.
Adoption news has been scarce, obviously. However, today my case worker did call. They have 2 infant boy referrals, and she just wanted to be sure we didn't change our mind and want a baby boy. The little guy she told me about is only 3 months. But we have been pretty set on a girl since the beginning, so i told her we would keep waiting. The referral process is so strange and unpredicatble. I thought our dossier would have to be logged in to get a referral, but i guess not. i'm not really sure. anyway, you may remember from a post awhile ago that they supposedly had 2 baby boys, and 1 girl (6-8 months). Anyway, somehow it turns out that the little girl wasn't really there. or maybe she was there but she got referred to another agency. i really have no idea how these things work. anyway, they only have 2 baby boys, no girls right now. However, they are supposed to be getting baby girl referrals in March. So we will see if that actually happens. With each month things just keep getting bumped to the next month, so Maybe March really means April. Who knows.
I joined this yahoo listserve for vietnam adoption. some of you are probably members. It gets really intense at times. Right now the discussion topics have been about agencies that require a cash donation to orphanges, and if that is unethical based on the new guidlines. Call it naive, but i guess since we jumped right into the adoption world, without really knowing anything or anyone who had done it i never even considered the idea that an agency might not be ethical. trust me, now i have been looking at everythign i can find because i am terrified by the idea that my baby girl might not really be an "orphan", and the idea of her birthmother giving her up for money is terrible. it actually makes me almost sick to think about it. It is such a tricky mess, i can't even straighten it out in my head. Anyway, I believe my agency is ethical (but then again, who doesn't?) and i don't think they would do anything wrong knowingly, but i think some people can be sneaky.
any insight on this?

things i will miss about hawaii when we're gone...

I love having the opportunity to live in hawaii. Yes, there are certainly some not so great things about living here...I hate that if i want to go visit my family (who i miss very very much) it costs cris and i a thousand dollars and 2 full days in travel. There is no olive garden here. No bargain shopping (and i am a master bargain shopper...thanks, mom!). There is no chipotle. HOWEVER, there are things i love about this place. Cris and I are constantly coming up with things we will miss when we leave (thanks to the army this will be mid 2009)
-the special music at church is often a Hula. Yup, for christmas we had a beautiful hula to Oh Holy Night. It is such a beautiful dance, that i know won't be in other places
-Tropical fruit year-round. We eat a pineapple every week. a fresh, delicious, juicy pineapple in january. i just ate a perfectly ripe mango. We have an avacado tree, and we swap with our neighbor who has a papaya tree.
-The 2:00 p.m. rainbow. Pretty much every afternoon we get a gorgeous, vibrant rainbow.
-Football in the morning. This one indirectly affects me. I don't really like sports. My husband is an athletic trainer and sports enthusiast. Due to the time change football comes on early in the morning, which means i can sleep in while cris watches football, then we have the afternoon free!

Who knows where we will end up next. Hopefully wherever it is i will have a big list of things i love about that place too.

monday is my last day of vacation. monday is also the day i torture myself with the crazy 8 mile run. I think i will die on monday.

Oh, also i found out (which makes sense) that the Vietnam Embassy in D.C. is closed for Tet Until Feb 20 or 21. Unfortunately, or Dossier arrived at the Vietnam Embassy in D.C. the same day it closed. Ohhh, Tet. It will be fun to celebrate when we have our baby girl here, but for now I am not enjoying tet much. selfish i know, but i am Impatient!!

we have a nursery

now we need our baby. patience patience patience. I'm actually still doing ok with the patience thing. I really do think it is because so many other blogging buddies are getting good news that I know once Tet is over, and the country resumes it's business, things will be moving. Our dossier isn't even translated yet, so it's not like they would be reviewing it right this second if they weren't on vacation.

So, we finished the basics of the nursery. It has no decorations yet. And I'm not very good at decorations, so it might not get much, but here are some picsCris working in the nursery




Here are some adorable t-shirts i made. The "love happens" image didn't transfer to well through the camera, but it is my favorite. it is super cute.





Also, I found this website you guys are gonna love (if you haven't found it already). It's called Adoption Buzz. It is a blog by one of the lawyers that works for another agency. But it doesn't really talk about that agency at all, it is really just an update on vietnam adoption. It has awesome timelines and other stuff. Actually, this guy just got back from Vietnam and meeting with the DIA. He has a lot of updated new info. For example, maybe you had heard the rumor that the referral process was going to change. I heard it too. As it is now each agency has certain orphanages that they get their referrals through, and only through those orphanges. So, depending on how many agencies are working through that particular orphange, you might have to wait a long time. Some agencies are getting WAY more referrals than others. The initial rumor was that everone would just centralize and go through the DIA (kinda like china), but now it appears that the current system will remain in place, but the DIA will just try to equalize how many referrrals each agency gets.
There are some really cute pics on there too from the recent trip. check it out. www.adoptionbuzz.org

All about Tet

Tet, which means the first morning of the first day of the new year, is the Vietnamese New Year. The celebration lasts for 7 days. Like the Chinese, the Lunar New Year is one of the most celebrated holidays.
Preparation for Tet starts weeks before New Year's Day. Homes are cleaned to get rid of bad fortune associated with the old year. Families paint their homes to give it a new look. Everyone gets new clothes and new shoes. Pay your debts and resolve differences between family and friends.

Tet starts on February 18, which basically means the Vietnam adoption wheels stop turning for the next couple of weeks. We got word today that our Dossier is back from state certification and from the Lt. Governors office, so it will be Fed Exed to the Vietnamese Embassy in D.C. tomorrow a.m. After that it goes to Vietnam for translation, and then to Hanoi. At that time we will get our Log-In-Date (LID) which is a huge step. We are hoping for a LID the first week in March.

In other news, our baby girl now has a Dragonfly Nursery. It's very cute, yellow and green. Now we just need to get her home so she can enjoy it!

The "No News Before Tet Club"....

...just welcomed it's two newest members, Cris and Emilie. We got an email from the Vietnam coordinator basically saying as much. I am surprisingly ok with this. Probably because I know that the next 2 weeks will hold no new adoption news for us, so i don't have to sit on the edge of my seat waiting for news until March. I can actually kinda relax. BUT i would like to say congratulations to lots of other families who did get news before tet. There have been some referrals, many travel dates given, and lots of happy families out there. It is encouraging to see the Vietnam adoption wheels have been turning.
Our nursery is painted, and almost done. Just waiting for Cris to get the window dressing hardware stuff screwed into the wall. I have no idea how to use the drill. Should be done in the next couple of days. I'll post pics when it's finished.
Today I got my haircut at a new fancy salon. Let's just say there is a first and last time for everything. When I got the bill I almost choked. I guess I have just never really been one for going to the salon. My mom (who is a nurse, not a hairdresser!) cut my hair until I moved to Hawaii, so I've never really paid for this to happen. I also color my own hair, which believe me has led to many scary hair issues (hence the nickname i earned "bleach cat" - named after our calico cat- which lasted for several months until i got the color evened out). In fact just a couple of months ago I accidently turned it that old-lady purple color. Anyway, long story short I never have spent money on hair. So today I almost died. And I also decided Famous Hair from here on out is the way to go. I could get like 10 Famous Hair hair cuts for the price of todays. And i don't know if the result would be much different. But I probably wouldn't get the scalp massage and hot tea. I think I can live without the frills.
so I am on vacation this week, which is awesome. I don't really have any big plans, just cleaning the house and getting things ready for our baby girl.

First post in February

I've been having good and bad feelings about dropping off our Dossier at the agency. It feels good to have done everything we need to do get moving towards bringing Juneau home, but it also is scary, because we have no control of the situation from here. At least while I was collecting the dossier I felt like every day I was making progress, but now there it is like just waiting waiting waiting with no idea of what is happening with our paperwork.
This week we celebrated Cris' birthday. I got him a new bike, so he can start training for the triathlon he wants to do this year. We are also supposed to be running in the Great Aloha Run, which is 8 miles. This crazy thing happens in 2 week, and I don't think i can even run a mile right now. I don't know how I am ever going to do 8. that is more than i have run in my life. and I just ate Baskin Robbins. mmmmmm....it was good.
We got a package in the mail from my mom and sisters. They had gotten Juneau the cutest litle outfits, and had them embroidered to say "Junie" or "June Bug" They are so stinkin' cute. I hope they will fit her. most of them are 9-12 months.
I think our dossier will get to Vietnam right around tet. hopefully they won't just be sititng on a desk somewhere for too long.