my attitude really sucks. Last night after a super super busy beginning of my shift, things kinda slowed down around 2:00 a.m., and i thought i might just try to lay down in one of the empty labor beds and take a little nap. I tossed and turned for 2 whole hours thinking about how much i hate my life right now (which obviously isn't really all that bad of a life!) and i nearly had myself in tears with terrible, negative thoughts. primarily about my job, which i really really don't like right now. Revision: i actually like my job, i hate all the stupid crap that goes along with being a resident. and also i was thinking all kinds of hateful thoughts about my agency. i spent about 45 minutes thinking of what i would say to my agency director, and my residency program director if i could say anything at all that i wanted without either feeling really bad about it later, or getting kicked out of residency.
Like, for instance. As a resident it is perfectly acceptable for a nurse to page you at 3:00 a.m. to ask you if a patient can go outside to smoke. I don't think that really qualifies as a 3:00 a.m. type of question, but hey, I'm the resident, and i am at the service of every single OB/GYN patient in this hospital. If you need to smoke at 3:00 a.m., I'm the girl to call. and if i don't promptly respond to said page, it is perfectly acceptable to write up said resident for not returning her pages promptly enough.
see, it's the bitterness. The black heart that now has taken the place of the regular heart that used to care about stuff. it's eating me alive! Maybe baby girls will cure the blackness, and i can go back to being a nice person instead of a nasty person who can't sleep because i'm too busy hating the world.
good things right now:
1. we're getting new carpet
2. we're going to kauai not this weekend, but next weekend
3. i don't have to be home to watch non-stop basketball during March Madness because i will be at work.
4. cris and i both have Saturday completely off and i SWEAR we are going to find something really fun to do, and forget all about everything else that sucks.
Juneau
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7 comments:
Hang in there! Some days are just like that. Oh and baby girls make everything better!
Ok first I want to go to Kauai with you....oh how I miss Hawaii! Second - it must be in the air, many PAP's have been frustrated and in the dumps lately. I hope it gets better soon!
You don't have to watch March Madness?? I envy you with every bone in my body :)
Residency doesn't last forever, Em....but I know it sucks to get every stupid question that a nurse can think of at 3am.
Have a great weekend! Get the heck out of the hospital and enjoy!
Emilie, I hope you there is a light at the end of the tunnel for you soon. I'm sorry work has been a PITA and that things aren't going well with you agency. Give them a swift kick in the you know what for me when you get Juneau home.
Hang in there. I hope you are able to file your paperwork soon!!
I know I've never commented before, but I've been following you blog for quite awhile now. I just want to say hang in there. I know it's not easy. I hope you get to file your I-600 soon. Glad your pregnancy is going so well.
Oh, on the March madness front, since I work at UCLA, I have to say "Go Bruins!"
I haven't responded to your blog but have followed it off and on. I wish you the best in your journey (and your hubby's) to bring both of your darlin's home. I have to say two things:I don't like watching March Madness all weekend either - but for the sake of the happiness in our home, Go Bruins!
2nd, if someone writes said resident up for not wanting to take a patient out for a smoke at 3am....they need to get a new job! I can see if they needed help to go to the bathroom - but to SMOKE! Pleeeeeeeasse!
Keep your chin up - you have endured alot and that tells alot about you - you "get" to have the "miss negativity" days...
Linda
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